TDSU’s approach to teaching kids when and how to disengage from online interactions consists of four stages:
- Laying the foundation
- Looking for signs of developmental growth
- Supervised practicing
- Increasing independence
In Stage 1, while you are delaying access to online interactions, you are laying the foundation for learning by modeling, narrating, and normalizing TDSU’s Three Basic Skills. You are showing your child good digital habits, you are recounting out loud how you interact online, and you are setting the expectation that you will be involved in your child’s online life just like you are involved in their offline life.
And by doing all of this you are creating a shared language around, and a set of shared expectations about, your digital lives.
During stage 2, you are looking out for signs of developmental growth – a growing ability to self-regulate, effectively navigating peer relationships, an increased capacity for self-advocacy, impulse control, and seeing things from the perspective of others. .
The emergence of these developmental signs will signal that your child is ready to start practicing good digital habits with you.
Stage 3 is where you and your child start working together to prepare them to interact online. After seeing signs of developmental growth in Stage 2, you can now start supervised practicing as well as initiating more in-depth conversations about the digital world.
During stage 4 you are increasing independence as appropriate, assessing if your child’s access to online interactions is appropriately aligned with their demonstrated strengths and capabilities. Because neither development nor learning are linear, expect to see successes and setbacks, these are all a part of the learning process, and you can scale back access and increase supervision as needed.
Stage 3 – Supervised Practicing
Let’s take a closer look at how you supervise your child practicing TDSU’s Three Basic Skills. As a reminder, you first need to see the developmental signs of readiness for real learning before you start supervised practicing with your child.
How do you supervise a child interacting online?
First things first, get on the same page with your child. Let them know you are working with them towards a time when they are mature enough and have the skills to interact online independently. Until then, you will be supervising their online interactions so that you can help them learn what they need to know to be safe and responsible online.
Kids think very short term, so when you say “you can’t have a smartphone,” or “you aren’t ready for snapchat” – what they hear is “this is never going to happen.” It is easier to get kids on board with laying the foundation, delaying access, and the learning process if you let them know that you are both working towards an eventual increase in independence.
Next, talk with your child about what supervising their online interactions can look like.
For those of you whose children are not already interacting online, when you see these signs of developmental readiness, your child can start texting with you, a family member, or a small group of family members either using your device or with you on the text chain.
If your child is already interacting online, first ask yourself: is my child showing the signs of developmental readiness? If the answer is no, then you may want to consider temporarily restricting access and focusing on modeling, narrating, and normalizing.
If the answer is yes, my child is already interacting online and is ready for deeper learning, you might start supervising your child’s online interactions by
- only allowing access when you are in the room together,
- sitting with them and reviewing messages before they respond or hit send, or
- getting them on board with you being on a text chain with them and one of their peers – be sure to clear this with the other parent first.
Don’t just follow your kids online. Lead them.
