As a reminder, TDSU’s approach to teaching kids when and how to disengage from online interactions consists of four stages:
- Laying the foundation
- Looking for signs of developmental growth
- Supervised practicing
- Increasing independence
In child development, pre-adolescence is a critical time. During stage 2, you are looking out for signs of developmental growth – a growing ability to self-regulate, effectively navigating peer relationships, an increased capacity for self-advocacy, impulse control, and seeing things from the perspective of others – which will signal that your child has entered pre-adolescence.
During this stage of development your child is starting to prioritize their peers, but they are still very attached to, and learning from, the important adults in their lives. In addition, these tween years are marked by a highly plastic brain, eager and available to learn social skills and executive functioning skills. These both underlie TDSU’s Three Basic Skills that kids need to learn in order to know when and how to disengage from online interactions.
The emergence of these developmental signs will signal that your child is ready to start practicing good digital habits with you.
So, stage 2 is about you taking notice of your child’s development while continuing to model, narrate, and normalize (see stage 1, Laying the foundation). As your kids mature, you are looking for signs of developmental readiness for deeper learning.
What are some of these signs?
A growing ability to self-regulate: Is your child starting to develop the ability to manage their thoughts and emotions? This is evidenced by them being able to control themselves when emotionally activated. When we interact online and are emotionally activated, without the tools to manage this, there is a greater chance of poor judgment taking over.
Effectively navigating peer relationships: As their peer relationships are starting to gain importance, you want to think about how your child is doing with their friends. Is there a lot of friend drama or are they generally able to work things out with their peers? Friend drama doesn’t get any easier or less confusing when it happens online!
An increased capacity for self-advocacy: Does your child know when they need help and how to ask for it? As your child’s sense of self-awareness and problem-solving abilities grow, you may see them advocating for themselves more. This is no less important online than it is off.
Seeing things from the perspective of others: Is your child showing the ability to look beyond their own point of view? It is really important for kids to be able to think about how what they communicate online might be taken, especially since online interactions can be hard to interpret in the absence of tone.
These signs won’t start to emerge until pre-adolescence, which, given typical development, can begin around grades four to five. But of course, every child develops at their own pace.
When you do start to see these signs, you will know that your child has entered a developmental phase that is rich for learning when and how to disengage from online interactions.
Don’t just follow your kids online. Lead them.
